Friday Fiction – The Girl on the Outside

by | Mar 20, 2015

Welcome to Friday Fiction, my weekly fiction post. It’s also an opportunity to link up your own fiction posts, so if you are working on anything at the moment, please feel free to share it here (using the blue frog link below). Thanks to those who joined in last week. It was lovely to read your work.

When I heard what Sara’s prompt was this week, I wasn’t sure I would be able to join in. Then I realised that the piece I wanted to write does fit. The prompt is Cinderella and at first all that came in to my head were fairy stories. But then I thought about what the character of Cinderella represents – a beautiful person who remains strong and good despite how she is treated and who eventually gets the recognition she deserves. The piece I wanted to write this week does fit in with this idea, though I hope Sara doesn’t mind that it doesn’t contain the actual prompt word.

Here it is. Hope you enjoy it:

Who is that girl standing on the outside, barely visible through the steam covered glass, a shadow figure? Can nobody see her but me? Everyone is happy, smiling and laughing. They are warm and cosy and secure, safe in their own little worlds. The girl on the outside must be cold and alone, yet no one seems to care. I look across at her. She is pressing her face against the cold wet glass and shouting.

‘Let me in,’ it looks like she’s saying. I see her banging on the window now, desperate for someone to notice her. Nothing.

‘Can’t you see her,’ I shout, but nobody can hear me, I knew that already. I want to help her. This beautiful girl with the long silky chestnut hair and hazel eyes; with skin that shows promise of having olive hues in the summer sun, right now looking pale and ghost-like. Like mine.

Someone turns and points to the window. They see her at last. The shadow figure is no more and the girl on the outside betrays her relief with a beautiful big smile. They point, they laugh and soon everyone in the room joins in. Are those tears running down her face or is it the rain?

They’re not going to let her in are they? I see that now and my heart aches for her. The girl on the outside will remain a shadow figure, always on the outside, never noticed for the beautiful person she is.

‘You don’t need these people anyway,’ I want to shout to her. If only she could hear me, heed my words. ‘Someday soon, someone will notice you for who you are and you will be lonely no more. Please don’t give up. Don’t end up here with me.’

I see the heaviness in her heart. I see the questions in her eyes ‘why?’ ‘Why do you hate me so much?’ The people on the inside have lost interest now. They’ve gone back to their conversations and the laughter has resumed. The girl on the outside is already a distant memory. She turns and walks away. Tomorrow she will return and try again.

‘Know that I will always watch over you,’ I whisper to the girl as I follow her. ‘This hurt will not last. Soon you can walk away from here for good and begin a new life. Don’t hide your beautiful face, little girl. You do not need to feel ashamed.’

She looks up and I see the faint glimmer of a smile.

Here is the link to add your own work. I look forward to reading them. Don’t forget to grab the button and tell others about it too.

Nikki Young Writes
Nikki Young Writes


  1. Funky Wellies

    My heart is aching for the girl on the outside. Beautifully written. xx

  2. mummyshambles

    Oh my god…I’ve got a huge lump in my throat. This is emotional stuff, Nikki and so beautifully written. X

  3. Sara (@mumturnedmom)

    Oh, this is absolutely beautifully written and so incredibly sad. I hope your Cinderella finds happiness x Thank you so much for sharing with #ThePrompt x

  4. Mummy Tries

    Wouldn’t it be amazing for us all to have someone watching over us? I swear my Grandma has been watching me since she passed away in 1990… That’s a whole blog post in itself! Another fab piece hon 🙂

    • Nicola Young

      Oh I totally believe that and it is lovely thought to carry around with you. Thanks for stopping by.

  5. Emily Organ

    Very emotional, I’m trying to work out if the girl is actually another manifestation of the narrator? Beautifully written and I like the mystery too.

    • Nicola Young

      No it was an observation from afar and written by someone who also cannot be seen, who then decides to be a kind of guardian angel to the girl.

  6. johannewinwood

    Wow! That’s some powerful writing. Hope the girl on the outside finds some happiness and the girl on the inside stops feeling trapped.

  7. johannewinwood

    Very powerful writing. Hope both girls find some happiness, they seem so sad.

    • Nicola Young

      Thanks. Both have a feeling of hopelessness, one for the other person and the other for herself.



  1. Friday Fiction – The Girl on the Outside | My Life. One Story at a Time. - […] March 20, 2015 · by Nicola Young · in Fiction. · […]

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