Friday Fiction – Making Character Discoveries

by | Nov 28, 2014

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My NaNoWriMo story centres on a character that appears in another novel I am working on. His name is Dillon and he is the former boyfriend of a girl who is missing.

The first novel is set five years after Aimee disappeared and Dillon is in hospital recovering from an accident. All we know is that at the time of her disappearance, he was accused of murdering her and although the police found no evidence against him and let him go, the people of the town wouldn’t accept that. Their behaviour towards Dillon and his family resulted in him leaving home. Dillon set off on a journey of self-destruction that ultimately resulted in the accident.

The second novel is about what happened when Dillon left town. In writing this story, I have learned so much more about Dillon. It’s like character development to the extreme! I’ve also learned more about Aimee and in many ways, this story will help me when editing the other novel. Dillon is gorgeous but he has a few issues, bless him. Aimee didn’t help and she knew all the right buttons to press. She wasn’t as nice as I thought she was. This scene comes from the last night Dillon and his friends spent together before Aimee disappeared.

‘Here’s to finishing exams,’ Aimee said as she clunked bottles with Sarah on her right side and then Chloe on her left.
‘Just wait until you start doing A-levels, if you thought GCSE’s were hard, you have no idea,’ Chloe said.
Don’t spoil the moment,’ Aimee said. We don’t want to think about that right now do we Sarah?’
‘Nope, I deffo do not. All I want to do is get p**d,’ Sarah said.
I’ve got something else that will make the night much more fun,’ Aimee said, as she shook a bag of small white pills in front of Sarah.
Chloe sat up, ‘are you seriously going to take those? You two are crazy. Sarah, if mum and dad find out…’
‘Well they won’t will they? Not unless boring big sis tells them.’
‘Charming, love you too. Back me up will you,’ Chloe said, turning to Dillon, Mattie and Lee.
‘Where the hell did you get them?’ Dillon said, as he grabbed the bag from Aimee’s hand.
‘Oi, give them back,’ she said, then looked over at Lee.
‘What are you looking at him like that for? Did you get them?’ Dillon said, turning to Lee.
‘What a d**k,’ Mattie muttered under his breath.
‘It’s good s**t,’ Lee said. I’ve already tried it and it’s fine. I say let her have some if she wants, she’s earned it.’
‘You’ve had some already haven’t you? That’s why you’ve got that stupid look on your face.’ Dillon said.
‘And that’s what I’m about to have,’ Aimee said as she popped the pill into her mouth and swallowed, then stuck her tongue out at Dillon.
‘What the f**k are you trying to do to me?’ Dillon said. It was always the same. She knew all the right buttons to press. Whether it was flirting other men, or Lee in particular, drinking herself into a stupor, or taking drugs, he didn’t like any of these things and she knew it.

Lee was bitter that Aimee chose Dillon over him. Even though he had denied it, Dillon knew it was true and had pulled him up about it a number of times. Instead, Lee had thrown back in his face that Dillon didn’t deserve Aimee because of the way he treated her. That he could love her in a way that Dillon would never do. It made Dillon’s blood boil. What Lee didn’t know, was that Dillon loved Aimee in a way that made him crazy. It terrified him how much he loved her, how he had somehow managed to let her take his heart and how he could so easily lose her and how painful that would be. The problem was that Dillon was his own worst enemy. Instead of giving in to those feelings and enjoying them, he pushed Aimee away at every turn, somehow feeling as though he was protecting himself. The more jealous he became, the more Aimee tried to make him jealous. Their relationship had been spiralling out of control for some time. Dillon was at a loss as to what to do about it. He knew he was pushing her in to Lee’s arms and he couldn’t seem to stop that either.

Though she always denied it, Dillon felt as though there was more to Lee and Aimee’s relationship than she let on. Lee was waiting on the sidelines every time they argued, playing the good guy, no doubt urging Aimee to dump Dillon and go out with him instead. Lee knew what the effects of Dillon’s temper could be; he had seen it enough times. Tonight though, he didn’t seem to care about that, as he went over to sit by Aimee and they started to chat and laugh together.

Whatever it was Lee had taken was obviously enough to make him either brave or stupid, whichever way you looked at it. All Dillon could see was how much he was touching his girlfriend, HIS girlfriend and right in front of him. As Dillon sat there, seething, clenching one of his fists at his side and squeezing his bottle of beer with the other, he watched in horror as Lee kissed Aimee full on the mouth.
The group froze and as Dillon watched the scene unfold, he felt the heat rising inside his body, along with a rush of anger. Something inside him snapped and in an instant, he was on his feet and grabbing Lee by the shirt. Lee was a match for Dillon in size and stature, but Dillon didn’t care about that.

‘Get off me, man, are you crazy?’ Lee said.
‘You’re the crazy one, what the hell do you think you are doing?’
‘Something that has been long overdue, that’s all,’ Lee said. He was smirking. The drugs had obviously clouded his judgement. Never before had he crossed the line like this, though he had threatened to, Dillon had threatened to break his neck if he so much as tried.
‘Look at her, she loves it,’ Lee said, cocking his head in Aimee’s direction. Dillon had him in such a tight hold he was unable to move. Aimee was giggling, but her eyes were rolling and she looked as though she was having difficulty focusing.
‘You are the biggest piece of scum I have ever met,’ Dillon said. ‘You have to drug a girl so that she takes any notice of you. Don’t you realise that. If she was sober, she would want nothing to do with you.’
‘You’re wrong, I think she wants nothing to do with you, she’s just too scared of what you will do if she tried to break up with you.’
Dillon punched Lee full on the mouth, sending him flying to the ground. How dare he suggest that he would hurt Aimee in any way or that she was scared of him? He turned to Aimee.
‘If you want him, that piece of s**t lying there, then you’re welcome to him. I’ve had it. I can’t do this anymore,’ he said. Then he kneeled down in front of her.
Sort yourself out, you are disgusting. This,’ he said, sweeping his arm in front of her, ‘is not the Aimee I fell for and quite frankly I want nothing more to do with you. I’m finished. It’s over and if I never see you again I will die a happy man.’

Dillon got up and walked away…

Hope you enjoyed that. Your thoughts, as ever are much appreciated. Now it’s over to you. Add your own link by clicking on the blue frog.

Nikki Young Writes
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  1. maddy@writingbubble

    And then she disappears the next day?! Way to build up the tension and list of suspects! Dillion isn’t doing himself any favours and that Lee sounds like a nasty piece of work. But then, as you say, Aimee isn’t exactly sweetness and light. I wonder if what happens to her is directly related to this? Is the threat to her from someone within the group or someone outside looking in? Maybe even someone pulling the strings of all of them (they are just kids after all)? You’ve definitely left me wanting to know more! xx

  2. sophieblovett

    I think this is a really powerful extract. As Maddy says it leaves lots of potential avenues for explaining Aimee’s disappearance, and leaves the reader with some interesting decisions to make about where their loyalties lie. You built up tension really well – it could do with a bit of tightening up, and at times I could have done with less exposition, but that’s what the edit’s for, right? 🙂 x

    • Nicola Young

      Any tips for tightening up gratefully received. Thanks

      • sophieblovett

        Hmmm… First thoughts – there are a lot of names in the first section of dialogue. Obviously we need to know who’s speaking but this feels a tad clunky at times so if there’s any way to streamline it that would be great. Then the following two paragraphs when you tell us how Dillon feels could be made more succinct I think. You go on to show us the emotions anyway, so the telling feels a little superfluous. Hope that helps – if I think of anything else I’ll pop back 🙂

        • Nicola Young

          Thanks, that’s just the sort of thing i need to hear. You’re a star!

  3. Emily Organ

    I like the way the tension builds up and it’s certainly left very open so we’re left guessing who could be responsible for Aimee’s disappearance. I agree with Sophie’s point – you could lose some of the telling about how Lee feels as you already show quite a bit of his feelings.

    • Nicola Young

      Thanks. It certainly helps when you show these things to other people.



  1. Thankful | Emily Organ, writer - […] #ThePrompt and #FridayFiction this week I’m sharing a post I wrote on a previous […]

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